


Prank Real Estate

by mewties (icantbelieveitsnotmeulin)



Series: The Tristen-Prompted Bioware Quartet [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Prompt Fic, real estate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 10:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4873627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icantbelieveitsnotmeulin/pseuds/mewties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kel Hawke and Isabela deliberately don't take things seriously. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prank Real Estate

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from tokilladm: “Kel and Isabela are going house shopping in extremely wealthy areas and trying to convince the owners that they’re ‘serious’ customers“

It wasn’t hard to look the part of future wealthy home-buyers. The Hawkes were new money thanks to Kel’s risky investments, and her mother’s family, the Amells, brought an old money credibility. The first couple mini-mansion open houses they went to, they stayed mostly serious, mostly presentable. Didn’t push much. Only asked slightly incredulous questions.

“And how many dogs do you think we could fit here?” Hawke asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Well we were thinking of breeding them, dear, purebreeds, perfectly pedigreed, don’t worry your little hearts!” It was fun, acting pretentious and uppity, like caricatures on tv. After the first handful, though, they decided to have a little more fun.

 

Kel Hawke looked over her lover. Isabela wore cutoff jeans and a crop top and all the bangles she could fit on her wrists. She had on sneakers and had even put a diamond stud into her labret piercing. “Bela, darling, what are you wearing?”

“You said we could have a little fun with this one!” Isabela posed, her arms lifted towards the air. “I’m your trashy, bad-influence playtoy!”

Hawke smiled and shook her head. “Alright, let’s go, before all the good free snacks are taken!”

They had real fun this time. Playing off each other, they kept ramping it up, waiting for the moment when these poor innocent homeowners would stop humoring them and throw them out.

Isabela chewed gum, popping bubbles frequently, and kept her arm over Hawke’s shoulders, hanging on her. “How many bathrooms does this place have? Because I refuse to live anywhere that doesn’t have more than twenty bathrooms.”

Hawke butt in before the homeowners could find the words to respond. “Or if you don’t already have that many, can you convert some rooms into bathrooms before we buy it? Don’t worry, we’re very patient.” She turned back to Isabela. _“_ Anything for you, baby.”

The next house had a beautiful master bedroom, with huge windows overlooking a quiet, foggy forest. Isabela walked up to the windows. “Oh! Look at that! That’s just wonderful.”

“Yes, that forest is a part of the property, so you won’t have to worry about any random people seeing you in your home.” The owner of this one had kept up a polite, if slightly strained, smile so far. Isabela raised her eyebrows at that.

“Oh really? Mind if we try it out?” “Excuse-?!” Isabela began shooing him away. “Out! Out! Give us a little privacy!” She closed the bedroom door in his face, locking it and turning back to Hawke. They spent ten minutes laughing into the pillows, in between making sexual noises, and mussed up their hair before leaving the bedroom.

The third they decided to tone it down, only talking about all of the (garish, ugly) changes they wanted to make to each of the rooms. These included glitter popcorn ceilings, chartruse walls in the living room, and a stripper pole in all the guest bedrooms. They stopped to kiss passionately for about thirty seconds in the middle of the tour, not even just for the act.

“You know, I’m surprised only one of them kicked us out,” Isabela remarked as they walked back to the car.

“Mmm, I’m almost a little disappointed.”

“Plan C?”

“You know, Bela, I don’t think we really thought out the whole ‘pretend to be serial killers’ routine, I think we should just go back to the drawing board. Or find a new hobby.”

“Now where’s the fun in that?”


End file.
